Saw the little clip of Obama dancing to Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered". Anyone else notice the horrible clash of Obama dancing with the middle aged white people? Seriously. This picture says it all.

So I have this issue. I had messes. I know. It's ridiculous. But nothing makes me crazier than a whole bucket of toys dumped around the room. Lucy loves to dump toys and it makes me temporarily insane.

Last Friday, just before heading out to The Rock, I'd had it. I'd hit my limit as a mom. Lucy grabbed her bucket of toys and started to dump them. Without thinking, I said, "Lucy, so help me God, if you dump those toys I'll throw every one of them away."

Yes. Stellar mom. Right there. I deeply understand why my dad threw out our Lite Brites as a kid. Tim shot me a look and I think even said, "you're being a bad mom right now." I got the idea and backed off.

Okay. Flash forward to this week. I was switching laundry downstairs and Lucy had been upstairs watching tv (next to aforementioned bucket of mayhem). I heard a big crash up there. A few minutes went by and she came down the stairs and said:

"Mommy, I have a question."
"Yes, honey, what is it?"
"I don't want you to be an-gy." (she can't sound out that 'r' sound yet)
"Oh honey, it's okay. What do you want to ask me?"
"I dumped out the toys and didn't put them away."

ACK. Straight to the heart. She's not even 2 and a half yet! There is no kind of conviction like the kind that comes from your child. She sees my failings and my flesh like no one else. And is often on the receiving end of it.

I sat down right there and apologized to her. Asking her to forgive me for being "fussy" *(how she'd read my mental breakdowns). I told her it was wrong for mommy to behave that way, and she agreed!

There's a line from the Bible that goes: "train your child in the way he should go and when he is grown, he will not depart from it." Funny, you read that in good times and think about how you can train your child in good things. But in this context, you can train your child in your bad behaviors too, and when they are grown--they won't depart from it, either. It's so critical to grow in self-discipline (and humility when I fail), otherwise Lucy will grow up seeing me as a hypocrite. Lord, help me grow in humility!

Alright. If you've looked into any poetry at all, you probably know this one. I'm aware it's been around the block a few times. But it's good. And it's real. And it's the only poem I've memorized in its entirity just because it's good and I find it useful in every-day life. And there's something about it that runs around in my brain over and over like a few lines of music. (And if you've never read it before, there's a big unwritten message here: he's not sorry about it at all. Maybe you've not been sorry about something you've done lately? Maybe you could write out this poem and leave it for the one you've offended so they understand why you're not.)

This Is Just to Say
By William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Not a usual pick for poetry - I was listening to a song on the treadmill this morning that had these lines. They are full and true. I've seen more marriages than I can count on one hand dissolve into flames in the past few years. I read these lines as my toast at a wedding of one of those dissolved marriages. It rings out both a warning and a hope that love will burn its mark into me.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
It's flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised.

I remember my poetry professor describing Roethke as a 'fabulous drunk'. (Which was really saying something coming from him.) Roethke had a manic, tortured life--in and out of the hospital for mental breakdowns and manic depression. I love the way he writes. It sings with power. Like he's sitting next to you drumming out the words on the table as he speaks. I can feel the vibrations in the lines.

Open House
Theodore Roethke

My secrets cry aloud.
I have no need for tongue.
My heart keeps open house,
My doors are widely swung.
An epic of the eyes
My love, with no disguise.

My truths are all foreknown,
This anguish self-revealed.
I'm naked to the bone,
With nakedness my shield.
Myself is what I wear:
I keep the spirit spare.

The anger will endure,
The deed will speak the truth
In language strict and pure.
I stop the lying mouth;
Rage warps my dearest cry
To witness agony.

A while back, I started posting up poems. So we return.

Once, somebody came to me with this poem. He held three or four poems in his hands--all to estimate the various aspects of a possibility of a relationship. After reading each one, he came to this one: Innisfree, an image of how it could have been were circumstances different.

It was incredible at the time (the meaning of it all) though ultimately the whole relationship-- if it could be called that-- was a complete fiasco. But I still think back on this poem and it carries so much weight. It calls me back to that moment and the fullness it held. All the promise and dream of going up together.

The Lake Isle of Innisfree - William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

Thanks to my friend Genny, I found this neato template. But it's a little hard to organize. So I'm probably going to be switching around a little till I find something I like. Sorry. I know that's irritiating.

In the two short years of parenting I've got under my belt, I'm pretty sure potty training is the absolute hardest thing I've ever done. We're making small strides here at the Grundi household. But it's tough. I'm realizing I'm a control freak. I do not like feeling out of control of poop and pee.